enigmahead

Freedom

2009-06-23T00:20:26Z

set your location to Tehran and timezone to +3.30 to logjam Iranian forces attempts to search for Iranian bloggers

And Thus Skynet was born

2009-06-09T16:25:49Z

Seriously though...this is freaking awesome. It may be childish, but I think a Winnie the Pooh or Teddy Ruxpin version of this would be awesome.

No more Never Never

2009-05-31T21:29:32Z

It has come to my realization, that I believe my childhood is finally over. I'm engaged to a beautiful woman, going to school full-time, working full-time and spending my free time pursuing interests I have never had before. When I look back and I see my past pursuits and realize that if I would try to do them again I would feel either wasteful, silly or just plain immature. I know Im going to miss those things, but quite honestly Im excited and absolutely terrified of what lies ahead. Part of me thinks that Im growing to old to fast, but the other part of me thinks Im way to far behind on where I should be. I pretty much raised myself and I haven't had a primer on how to act or how to live, but I think I can take it slow and not fall down on my face to much.

DEADPOOL

2009-05-08T05:35:52Z

I just read they are making a Deadpool movie..I is teh happy!!

Its a Me..a Mario

2009-03-31T20:28:57Z

I almost peed..that is all

2009-03-18T15:01:23Z

http://www.break.com/index/absolutely-hilarious-indian-music-video.html

Calling all Nerds!

2009-02-24T16:48:22Z

Ok so heres the situation.

WE NEED A ROOMATE PRONTO.

Dawid is moving out and we cant find anybody for this great deal that isnt a whackjob, druggy or hobo.

March 5th is last day to move in
$600, private room, all utilities, cable, wireless, washer and dryer in unit, cats ok.

Located in Bay Park off the 5.

Please spread the word, otherwise were out on out butts.

Let them call me at 619-569-4472

Thanks,

TWEET!

2009-02-16T02:01:19Z

18:04 Gah... My face looks like a rock lobster! Sunburn #
20:00 Going to Roys going to pop the question #
22:04 She said yes! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWEET!

2009-02-15T02:02:04Z

09:21 Going whale watching yay! #
14:28 Saw whales awesome... In the Gaslamp eating Carribean Food at Mangu! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Thats mine..and thats mine..and THATS mine..meow..

2009-01-28T15:34:42Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7851989.stm

SQUEEE!

TWEET!

2009-01-24T02:21:50Z

11:14 Training for a new job...this video is mind numbing... It's like explaining how to make a pb&j sandwhich in like 40 steps #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWEET!

2009-01-23T02:12:14Z

09:47 Yay! Gainfully employed #
09:49 www.mint.com amazingly useful site, signed up and two credit cards already lowered my interest rates! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

amusing

2009-01-16T04:32:18Z

this amused me greatly...

http://superfad.com/player.php?project=251&item=566

Fucking Lame

2009-01-12T03:23:00Z

My Cat had to be put to sleep tonight..Ill miss you Sylvester Boots

LAME!

2009-01-05T23:06:53Z

Both the GF and I got layed off today..epic lame...heres hoping we find something soon, cause otherwise we will be evicted at the end of the month.

TWEET!

2008-12-27T02:12:08Z

14:57 Yay! Got my iPhone back stupid bestbuy had of for 12 days and didn't tell me also if you didn't get my memo my number is 619-569-4472 #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWEET!

2008-11-10T02:32:55Z

18:41 Roys is an awesome restaraunt #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWEET!

2008-11-09T02:31:54Z

14:33 Whee! I'm going to Bats day! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWEET!

2008-10-22T18:24:41Z

12:18 Non non non subway #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Livejournal meet fist..fist meet livejournal

2008-03-27T05:24:13Z

Well I finally did it...so fucking ashamed..I just dont want to show my face in public anymore. I mean how could I stoop so low.I am better then that..a decent human being I think..but I did it..finally because the pressure has been to much. I feel like such a hypocrite. But I have to come clean, I got a myspace. Yes, the ANTI MYSPACE Agenda is dead. Just like the French Army in WW2, I fucking Surrender. You can go look at it if you want.. http://www.myspace.com/enigmahead

But also I am stopping the use of my livejournal account because I cant stand to look at you peo..I mean..ha. Nah seriously, I dont like rereading through all my bitching and bellyaching. I am starting a daily journal/blog about life in Mattland over on Xanga if you still want to keep up with me. http://weblog.xanga.com/Enigmahead

To livejournal, I bid you goodbye

-Matt

...

2008-02-29T22:56:30Z

I bid you all adieu

Flu 2: Revege of the Nerds

2008-02-22T06:45:01Z

GAH!!...sick again.. Tired of the sick..well..sick..well merry-go-round; stop, I want to get off. I just cant believe I got the flu a 2nd time, traditionally you get the flu once an year and then your good till the next year where you bout with the hellbug again. Why does the flu have to break tradition, huh? Is the flu a progressive, is it voting for Obama, that would suck, I like Obama. Why do ya got to be all rebellious Flu, did your mommy and daddy not let you have the Switchblade Symphony cd and now your taking it out on us innocent bystanders. Why do you have to go all highschool shootout with my immune system huh? WTF mate.
Question, the flu season hits North American Dec-Mar, does that mean in September when I am sitting by the pool enjoying a refreshing beverage, there's a Kangaroo in Australia who has woken up feeling as if his chest has been run over by a Ford F450? If so I would bet the flu has killer airline miles. Does it use Visa, Mastercard or American Express?
Puppy ate glitter, I know cause his poo came out pretty fabulous!, now only if he would stop trying to decorate my closet.
The fever dreams have been moderately entertaining and I'll post an interesting one I had about the Fiona cast from Shea's last game.

Truth

2008-02-04T07:32:09Z

So yeah...
I dont know why I am posting about my emotional bs but I feel that I need to vent since I am absent a venting source that I feel comfortable venting to.

I think that I have been a hypochondriac, I think that I have been a sympathy whore I think that I have been passive-aggressive, I think that I have been contraindicatory, and many cases of the pot calling the kettle black. I think that I have been too nice, too much of a pacifist, to afraid to really speak my mind. I think Ive been a hypocrite, devils advocate and not the best person that I know I can be. I think I have been looking to other people for validation, hiding behind the guise of the "nice guy" and thinking myself immune from the slings and stones of those around me. I think I have been arrogant to think myself better then anyone else when my facade is worse.

I don't think, I know.

It's kind of a shock to realize that the personality that you have built up over the years is based off of seeking the approval and gratitude of other. Don't get me wrong, I love to help my friends, but I have realized that I have been doing it for the wrong reasons entirely. It hurts, because here I was railing against the fact that others have done me wrong, when really I should be angry at myself for investing so much in a relationship that I know for a fact is not going to give back a fraction of what I put into it. I have always held the belief that everyone is capable of some inherit kindness, some good that make them redeemable and worthwhile to believe in. The last few weeks have been extremely shitty for me..car, work, school, relationships all has kinda culminated into a Karmatic bitch slap that has just depressed the hell out of me. Usually I am able to bounce back, not let it get me down and do what I need to do, but lately it hasnt been working I haven't been able to bounce back. I thought for the longest time, that the reason I was unable to bounce back was that I have no real stability in my life. I don't have a secure job, no real place that I can call my own and I have become unsure and unmotivated about school. So when a bunch of emotional drama stopped by to say hello, I shut down. Elizabeth said to me, "Stop looking to others to validate your worthiness," It cut deep, because it was true.Then I cried,hard, like I have never done before. I said to myself, "If I cant believe in people, if there really is no good, then what is the point?" I let go of the only thing that has kept me going. I cried for the longest time. Then I started to realize, how the hell can I look for the good in someone else for the validation I need, when I myself cant see the good that I am. For the longest time I sat, being the arrogant martyr. Offering a hand to others and getting bit, then bitching about it, because it entitled me to say, "I am better then you,I can keep giving myself and get it thrown back in face and I can bitch and moan and complain,because I am better then you." How fucking pathetic, how arrogant and how not really me, at least I thought so. I wanted to so badly to believe in this agenda that everyone is good and that being the good, selfless friend was whom I am that, I created this identity, this lie that I had fooled myself into believing was me. I presented this image of security, selflessness, straight thinking, adjusted individual and I believed it, when in truth I am not. I am human; I am insecure, I am afraid of stupid things like the dark sometimes, I am terrified of being alone and as much as I bitch about my friends, I crave interaction and attention. I am strong, I know I have it in me to be strong,honest, hard working and caring to a fault but its so much easier to convince yourself to be something then actually be it. I am afraid of confrontation not because I am fearful of the harm it can bring, but fearful of what it does to me. I was raised in conflict, raised in an angry environment My natural reflex is to diffuse,scream or shut down. I avoid conflict because I physically, emotionally and mentally am so ill prepared for a normal albeit heated conversation. I lost what it means to be passionate in an argument because my brain does what it normally does and shuts down the rational parts of my brain and leaves all my defense mechanisms in place. I have what I need to say and it doesn't come out and I just sound dumb, accusatory, mean and contradictive. This facade of being good, correct and truly, really fucking arrogant caused me to shift blame all the time, I mean how can I be at fault when I am good well adjusted person. Its not that I am trying to be, quite the opposite but I blinded myself with my own life. I don't want to come off as disingenuous but part of the time the reason for extending my hand in help, so that I could make my myself feel better when I wasn't. Most of the time was genuinely out of a need to help my friends because they needed me and would do the same for me, but to be honest not all the time.

Needless to say losing one image of themselves can be quite depressing, despite it all being a lie, a comfortable lie, but a lie none the less. It caused me to be even more irrational, more depressed, more irrational, more depressed and I had to fight myself to accept the truth and frankly I didn't have the strength at the time.

So I drove, drove no where for hours in the middle of the night with no sleep...I haven't slept more then 4 hours on avg each night for the last 9 or so days. I got lonely, I called D, asked if he wanted to accompany me on a drive, he did. We left his house about 6:30 and I headed straight for the mountains. In Laguna there is a semi-abandoned Air force radar station from the cold war..now it reads the weather. But it has two things that have gotten me through alot, its remote and the view is so goddamn breathtaking on the right day it has moved me to tears on more then one occasion.
The trip up there we bullshitted together about game, something that I really needed. It was foggy and raining and generally shitty but it didn't matter, I had D and I had no place to really be it allowed me to get into a different place other then the one I was in. It was good..but not full proof, drives also give me time to think, time to revisit all of my doubts. It was in one of these lows that I realized that there was no snow on the ground but large patches of ice. We had hit a ice storm and my car was really wasn't made for handling this kind of weather. About that same time I hit a patch of black ice and over corrected and collided went over into a ditch. Sucky right? Not really, after the initial shock of everything, checking to see if we and the car were ok. Dwayne and I both busted up. We made it through unscathed, a little shaky but ok and we just laughed. It was one of the most releasing and therapeutic things I have experienced and as we waited in the car for the tow truck, after fire department and police were done. I started to realize that a lot of the stuff I was debating on clinging to..that I held so important was worthless if it meant losing Elizabeth, being dishonest to myself and my friends and not growing as a person. That entire drive home I hated myself, loathed myself and realized that I cant expect anyone to fix my problem but me.

Thank you for reading this and I can only hope you can understand that I am trying my hardest right now. I need my friends and my loved ones for support in this, not help, just support.

Elizabeth, from the bottom of my heart I love you and hope you can forgive me for being such an arrogant prick.

PLAGUE!

2007-12-29T18:15:00Z

Once again its time for Matt annual I got the FLU gig. Cept this one is a doozy...I went to sleep on Wed at 2pm and didn't become fully conscious until last night at about 5pm. Get your flu shots folk this one doesn't fuck around. According to Sarah(whom Iam very grateful too for taking cause of me cause everyone else in the house had left for the week) I had a 103 fever bordering on 104 for most of my unconscious period. I was and am still not a happy camper. I missed three days of work now at a job I just started a week ago so here hoping they are a little understanding when it comes to illness. Anyways folks Im going back to bed, liza gets home today so I have to rest up so I can go get her..laterz

Geek! V2

2007-12-23T00:42:53Z

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Druid/Wizard (2nd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-15

Constitution-16

Intelligence-14

Wisdom-15

Charisma-13

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

Secondary Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)